


If You Ever Find True Love (You Don't Give Up On Them)

by Draco_sollicitus



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Cancer, DamereyDaily, Established Relationship, F/M, Leukemia, Modern AU, Oneshot, Sick Partner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 08:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23468149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draco_sollicitus/pseuds/Draco_sollicitus
Summary: When her fiance comes home with terrible news, Rey Kenobi is determined to stay by his side.Because it's like what Kes Dameron told her:when you find true love, you fight for it, every day
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Rey
Comments: 21
Kudos: 92





	If You Ever Find True Love (You Don't Give Up On Them)

**Author's Note:**

> Fills the Damerey Daily prompt: "when you find true love, you fight for it every day" (from Once Upon a Time, 04x07, line originally said by Will Scarlett)
> 
>  **Warnings**  
>  angsty  
> TW: Cancer  
> TW: Leukemia/CLL  
> TW: Discussion of parent death (Shara)

The lights were off when Rey got home.

Frowning, she walked through the front hallway, flicking on lights here and there so she wouldn’t stumble over abandoned books (Poe’s) or bō staffs (hers). 

“Poe?” She called out, setting the brown bag of groceries onto the counter. “Are you here?”

His car had been in the garage when she pulled up on her bike; but, the lights were all off. Probably at Finn’s then, or maybe Jess’s.

Rey shrugged and pulled out some groceries: Chunky Monkey (hers), carrots and celery (Poe’s, ugh), chicken nuggets (Beebee’s, and also Rey’s). 

Beebee jingled over to her, huffing sadly as her tags clicked together. “Beebee?” Rey knelt and rubbed the retriever’s ruff. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

Weird. Rey figured Beebee was with Poe, wherever he was - she didn’t come running at Rey when she walked in, which was a first since Rey had come by Poe’s place on their second date. That was almost two years and one significant move ago.

“Where’s Poe, huh?” Rey asked, her throat oddly tight. She stood up and walked around; Rey spotted Poe’s shoes where they always were, by the sliding door to the backyard in case Beebee wanted to romp unexpectedly. 

“Poe?” Rey called out again, Beebee at her heels. “Are you here?” She walked to the bedroom at the back of their one-level house, Beebee bumping into the back of her knees anxiously here and there, like she was herding her.

A little afraid now, Rey walked quicker, fear slightly assuaged when she heard Poe answer quietly. 

“I’m here.”

Rey pushed the slightly ajar bedroom door all the way open. “Thank God, I was worried something had hap-”

Poe was sitting on their bed in the dark; she could just barely make out his silhouette.

“Poe?”

No answer; she moved quickly to turn the light on and he didn’t even flinch back from the sudden brightness. He was staring at the wall behind her, and didn’t look to her when she moved into his field of vision.

“Did something happen?”

A non-committal jerk of the head.

“Oh god, is - is Kes alright?” Rey’s throat tightened at the thought of it.

“What - yeah.” Poe nodded, and Rey relaxed slightly, although her hands remained balled in fists at her sides. This was awful: Poe was the talker, not her. 

“Okay. Then - then tell me what’s wrong.” Rey moved closer to him, and Poe looked up at her.

His eyes were red like he’d been crying, but his face was dry. When he saw her fully, his face spasmed, and he looked back down at his lap, his mouth twisted up in a way that made her stomach snarl. 

“Poe - what -”

“Did I ever t-tell you,” Poe cleared his throat while Rey sat on the bed next to him, ten inches between them, easy enough to cross, “how my mom died?”

“Cancer,” Rey answered automatically. 

She wracked her brain for the date: the anniversary of Shara’s death wasn’t for four months. But, grief was weird, Rey remembered. Something in her still twinged when she saw an airplane unexpectedly, when it made her think of her beloved grandfather as well as Han Solo. 

Poe talked about his mom endlessly - but he never really talked about how and when she died. He’d mentioned it twice to her, both times around the anniversary of her death. 

“Right.” Poe nodded and took a breath that caught three times. Rey reached out slowly and gripped his thigh.

“Are you okay?” Nothing. “Tell me what’s wrong, please. I - I can’t read your mind-”

“Remember when I went to the doctor three days ago?”

“Yeah.” Something cold and awful built at the corner of her mind and she pushed it away as hard as she could.  _ Fear.  _

“I - they’ve done a blood test in the last few years, so - so I thought -” Poe bit his lip and stopped talking. 

“Poe, what happened?”

“My mom, when she - she got sick fast.” Poe swallowed. “It was CLL, and - it was the eighties, and the treatment wasn’t as good, and I know it’s better now, but it - it - was so fast, and she was gone, and-”

“Poe.”

“It’s genetic,” Poe whispered, and Rey’s stomach feels suddenly both hollow and terribly, awfully full of lead. “So, it’s on all my charts, and - they really only did the blood test because they were looking for something else-”

Rey squeezed his leg subconsciously, and Poe looked up at her, her fear mirrored in his face. 

“Rey.” He leaned into her name, making it sound infinitely longer than that one syllable. “I have leukemia.” Her stomach clenched, and her whole body went cold. “Stage 4.”

He started to cry, into his hand, his shoulders slumping as he half-turned away from her, and Rey wrapped her arms around him. “What-” she whispered, shaking her head even as she kissed his arm, his shoulder, the top of his head. “No, no they’re wrong, they have to be wrong, you’re so healthy. You - you run all the time, and you - you eat so much better than anyone I know. You’re - you’re only thirty-six, you’re -”

“It’s- it’s not impossible to get it when you’re-” Poe cut himself off and shook his head. Rey felt his whole body trembling and kissed his shoulder. “I - I have to go in to discuss treatment tomorrow, they tried to today, and I just - I freaked out, and I came home. That was …” He checked his watch. “Six hours ago.”

“Okay.” Rey nodded and pulled away slightly so she could grip his hands instead; still leaning into his shoulder, she scooted as close as she could to him. “Okay. I - I’ll call off work, go in with you-”

“No.” Poe shook his head, wincing. “No, Rey, you have that presentation you’ve been so excited for, you can’t-”

“It’s a silly presentation,” Rey said firmly. “Luke won’t mind at all if I bump it. Besides, nothing on earth could be more important than this.”

He brought their clasped hands to his mouth and kissed her knuckles briefly before lowering them again, his thumb worrying at her engagement ring. 

“If…” Poe said in a low voice. “If - you didn’t sign up for this, Rey. You - I’d understand if you …” He glanced at her, but she frowned at him, not quite knowing of how that sentence could logically end. “If you wanted out.”

“Out-” Rey spluttered. “I beg your pardon?”

“You didn’t sign up for a sick fiancee - and - and we never set a date for the wedding, so, it’s - nothing bad would happen if-”

“I will take this with a thousand grains of salt because you have had some  _ very  _ shitty news today,” Rey began, “but Poe, this is the silliest thing you’ve ever said to me-”

“It’s not silly!” Poe snapped. He pulled his hands away from hers and stood up, his hands combing through his hair anxiously as he began to pace. Rey set her jaw stubbornly and watched him move. “It’s - self-preservation.”

“Leukemia isn’t contagious, last time I checked.”

“No, no it isn’t, but - it’s fucking exhausting, and the treatment is almost as bad. Maybe even worse. And I’ll have to start soon, and - and it’s going to take - everything, Rey. I’ll have to fight it with everything, and it still won’t be enough, I could - I’ll die, like my mom - she was 38 when she died, Jesus Christ, why didn’t I tell you this was a possibility sooner, I-”

“Poe, please.” Rey stood and grabbed his elbow on his next pass. From the bed, Beebee whined. He looked at her, stricken, wild-eyed. “Poe, you - I can’t imagine what you’re thinking right now, but I can tell you I have no intention of leaving you, at all.”

“You’re twenty-five,” Poe said. “I already felt guilty that I was so much older, and this-”

“And this  _ nothing, _ ” Rey said, twice as fiercely. “I love you, you stubborn, scruffy idiot. I love you, and - and I don’t know if you’re afraid you’re  _ trapping  _ me, or whatever-”

“I don’t want you to have to sit and watch someone you love die.” Poe’s eyes were full of tears again. “I can’t do that to you.”

“You might not die - it - it doesn’t have to end that way-”

“It could, though - and … and I’ll be sick for a long time. Even if it goes into remission, I’ll - it’ll be hanging over us-”

“And as long as there’s an  _ us,  _ I’ll be here.” Rey crossed her arms stubbornly and glared at him. “Or do you think I’d turn my back on the only family I have?” Poe sniffed and wiped his nose, grimacing at her words. “You’re my family.” She had tears in her eyes as she took a step forward and kissed his cheek, above the edge of his scruff. “You - you’re it for me, please don’t send me away, don’t make me leave-”

“I don’t want you to,” Poe admitted, misery etched into his features. “But I don’t want you to suffer, too.”

“I would suffer knowing you were facing this alone.” Rey gripped his arm and kissed him again on the cheek, and then on the temple, and his forehead as he turned into her arms; she held him while he cried into her shoulder, and a tear slipped down her cheek as she heard what he was saying between sobs:

“I’m - so _ \- scared _ .”

“I am too.” Rey kissed the side of his head, one hand gripping the back of his shirt, the other hand in his hair, “But I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“And, it’s like what your dad told me.” Poe pulled back to look at her, his breath hiccuping slightly. Rey’s heart twisted at the sight of his tears: he so rarely cried in front of her - he never cried in front of anyone else. “If you’re ever lucky enough to find true love, you fight for it every day.” She pushed some hair off his forehead and smiled at him, her teeth aching from the sadness in her gut. “And I’m going to fight for you - at your side - every step of the way, got it?”

“Got it.” He offered her a watery smile. 

“Good.” They kissed for real then, and then Rey pulled back the sheets of their bed and they slipped off the socks and shoes, even their pants, and curled up next to each other, Poe’s back to Rey’s chest, and she kissed his ear and his neck and his shoulder while Beebee curled up against his stomach.

“Both my girls got my back, huh?” Poe said softly after a few minutes, his hand tangled in the golden’s fur.

“We do.” Rey kissed the top of his spine and then held him closer. “And Beebee wants you to know that she’ll help me kick your ass if you try to dump me again for a bad reason.”

“It’s not a  _ bad- _ ”

“I know.” Rey kissed his shoulder blade. “But as long as you love me, and I love you - I’ll be here for you. The whole way.”

Poe was quiet for a few minutes, and Rey thought he might have fallen asleep, but then his voice piped back up, quiet and unsure. “Will you … will you help me tell Kes?”

Her heart broke a little at how young he sounded, how afraid. Nodding, she pressed her lips to his back again. “Of course.”

“Thanks.” He squeezed one of her hands and then, after another couple of minutes, his breath evened out and he fell into a sleep, his limbs twitching slightly as he relaxed in her arms. 

Rey sat up slightly when she was sure she wouldn’t disturb him, and stroked his hair while studying his face; the circles under his eyes were deeper than normal, darker too, and he slept so heavily she wasn’t sure she’d be able to shake him awake on the first few tries.  _ How had she not noticed sooner that something was wrong? _

Rey shook her head: best not to punish herself now. She was going to be there for him in the same way he was always there for her, and they’d get through this as partners. She’d be lying if she said she knew what would happen down the line, or if she said she knew how hard it would be, but Rey was determined to make it through this.

They’d take the journey together, like she’d said, and while she couldn’t feel the pain and bear this burden for him, she was determined to make it as easy as possible for him. And she promised quietly to herself and to the listening universe that they  _ would _ get married, that they’d have a happy life in this little house with their silly dog and their wonderful friends, and she’d hold onto that hope until every single last chance of it was shredded, and maybe even past that point.

Because she loved Poe Dameron, with every inch of herself, and he loved her back. And that was already its own kind of miracle.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading - and sorry for the angst. It was hard to write fluff at all this week, but I'll try better next week :(


End file.
